So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
