Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
