i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
