Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
