I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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