The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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