Umm I'm too high to move.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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