my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
