Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
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