i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
