we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
