every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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