I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
