the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
