Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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