I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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