I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
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He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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