Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He did a backflip because drugs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
