She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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