what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
