Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
