Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
How's work?
Spinning.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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