the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
