somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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