I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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