You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
