One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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