What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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