shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
