My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
