First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
