I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
