Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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