I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
