areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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