Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
