it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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