I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
even my farts smell like vagina
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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