I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
