you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
