it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
