We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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