That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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