The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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