tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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