trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
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girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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