She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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