Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
