She is in my trunk
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
