I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I believe in your delicious
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
