I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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