u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
