I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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