So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
