I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
