So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
