something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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