i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
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I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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