I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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