Can Purell be used as lube?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
