My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
