I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
