I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
