that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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